I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
