i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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