Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
