i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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