JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
