I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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