Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
