Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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