so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
