YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
