every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize