I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
