I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
