I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
