I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
