Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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