Already got asked if we're dating
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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