either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
