Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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