yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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