I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
