don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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