gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
