If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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