i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
