I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
