My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
