is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i will never coherently bang her
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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