you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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