If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
