why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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