You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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