There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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