Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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