You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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