Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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