Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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