after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
