I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
