The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
