last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
