can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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