this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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