Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
