She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
