Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
