all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
