After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
