I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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