Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
