You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize