Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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