This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
