so explain again why im purple
no
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
