All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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