Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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