so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
