I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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