Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
