i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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