Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
