i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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