fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize