never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm too high and old for this...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize