you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
