At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
