I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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