I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize