when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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