things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
