Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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