Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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